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You know you're in Brasil when...

1. Bowling involves wearing shoes two sizes too small on a slippery lane trying to hit bowling pins on strings.
2. A store does not have a product because it takes too much effort to keep it in stock
3. McDonalds offers you sandwichs you did not ask for because they ran out of burgers, but wont tell you that.
4. All the Cheese on you delivered pizza is slid to one side.
5. Your pepperoni is replaced by eggs, olives, peas, and corn.
6. You are offered a three-stared accommodation at the price of a five-stared because you are a gringo.
7. The price of goods is determined by how nice you car and clothes are and how bad your accent is.
8. The price of good and services triple because you forgot to ask the price ahead of time.
9. A store will not sell you an item because they do not have change.
10. When a Great Dane is called a German doggie.
11. When fast food cups have no place for the straws they give to you.
12. You are not allowed to buy just one scoop of ice cream, and if you do it is still the price of two.
13. The customer is never right and the owner always is.
14. You see birds are eating the bread from the same basket you just ate yours.
15. You measure distance by lombadas (speed bumps) and curves instead of minutes or miles.
16. You have to carry your toilet paper for public restroom usage.
17. You cannot rent a boat with a motor.
18. Your shower overflows because you forgot to open the drain.
19. You are not allowed to flush your toilet paper.
20. You have to pay for your toilet paper before you enter the bathroom.
21. You are not allowed to pump your own gas.
22. The motorcycle lane is considered to be the dotted line on the road.
23. The motorcycle driver kicks off your car mirror because it is in their way.
24. You have to get into the right hand lane to make a left hand turn.
25. When fat is considered beautiful.
26. When you have to constantly fix new products within the first 24 hours…you’re not allowed to return them.
27. You have to specify if you want water with or without gas.
28. People ask for jello in their water.
29. Banks are open 30 hours a day.
30. You get tired of kissing people at church
31. When a gas attendant offers to wash your car because he feels embarrassed for you.
32. The idea of “sandwich” socialization is more like a triple-decker.
33. Your shower uses more electricity than your refrigerator.
34. Your idea of the yellow pages is a refrigerator covered with advertising magnets.
35. When you always have to watch your step when you get out of your car…dogs are everywhere.
36. All of the homes are unfinished.
37. Indoor lights are all hanging by wires.
38. When animals run free and you live in a cage.
39. When graffiti is considered cultural.
40. When drivers don’t use headlights at night because they are trying to save their batteries.
41. When people eat food while shopping and put the empty bag back.
42. When a dog’s living area is larger than the person’s.
43. When people have no food or clothes, but have cable TV.
44. When you drive as fast as you can downhill to make it up the next.
45. When Christmas plants blossom in July while you wear snowsuits to bed.
46. When people eat french-fries with toothpicks and forks.
47. When lombadas exist on the highways.
48. When the passing lane on a two-way road is the dotted line…with opposing traffic.
49. When people do back flips in the rain in front of your car and want tips.
50. When traffic lines are considered to be mere suggestions.
51. When you develop smokers’ lungs from merely living in São Paulo.
52. When you see three propane tanks on the back of a motorcycle.
53. When you receive your driving citations three months later.
54. You are not allowed to drive your car one day out of week.
55. Monday is considered the first day of the week, but is called the second.
56. Propane trucks play ice-cream truck music.
57. When you get seasick from driving Brazilian roadways.
58. When dinner is served at 9p.m.
59. When goodbyes last one hour.
60. When people grunt at you while you speak
61. When push means to pull.
62. When it takes 3 mill crusados to buy a loaf of bread.
63. You can’t drive down a road because they decided to have a Feira (open market) today.
64. There is no such thing as coffee to go.
65. When McDonalds delivers.
66. When elections are won by those with the catchiest tune and the most free T-shirts.
67. When there are spaces to park your…dog.
68. When a cow blocks a shopping store’s door.
69. When you can’t buy washcloths anywhere.
70. When wax paper is used for napkins.
71. Restaurants do not have pepper at the table, but have toothpick holders instead.

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